Punky Chef in my APARTMENT? Get outta town.

October 29, 2009 · Filed under ABOUT, FANS, Tips · Tagged , , , , , , ,

No really, it’s true.  Punky Chef is now throwing a PARTY at your apartment!  (If you live in New York City…)  Yes, we’re dipping our black painted toenails into the boutique catering business, (gross), and if you’re having a party of 6-12 people, we can be your party hearties!  We promise to show you such a good time, you will feel like stage diving off your kitchen counter.

But Punky, why this sudden daring LEAP?

Glad you asked, people.  It’s something I’ve been toying with for a long time, call it a vision, a dabbling, a way to keep myself busy when the band has downtime, and I’ve started by throwing a few baby showers, appetizer events, and larger dinners for friends.  And NOW, the greatest Punky Chef present of all was just given to me by my fabulous friend Carolyn!  Witness:

Knife

GIMME SUMTHIN' TO CUT! JUST GIMME!

Oh yes, my punky pretties, Carolyn not only got me a set of Cutco Knives – and they really ARE the sharpest knives in the drawer – but she had them ENGRAVED.  Can we please give it up for Carolyn?

I don’t hear you…

(WHOOP WHOOP!  YAY FOR CAROLYN!)

That’s better.

And just in case that shot looks a little too peppy, and not enough punky, here’s the moody version:

Knifemoody

Like, whoa, dude. Like where's something to cut, man? Whoa.

Yes I know it’s blurry, but YOU try to keep an iPhone still and in position while holding a giant knife in your left hand IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES.  Cut me some slack people.  I never said I was Ansel Adams.

(Whaa?)

I have no idea.

The point is, Carolyn gave me these awesome knives and suddenly I was inspired to bring the Punky to the People.  So I’m coming to your house if you want me.

GIFTS:
You can also GIFT a PARTY for someone!  Seriously, how cool is that?  Instead of throwing the party yourself, just give it as a present to your friend, boss, lover (eew, who says that anymore?), mom, cousin, butler, dog – you know what I’m saying.  We’re like in a pretty punky box, all tied-up with a bow.  Or make that safety pins.

You literally BUY US like a present!  And we will be all punked-out for you, set it up, serve it out, and then take it ALL away.  By the time you’re brushing your teeth before bed, you’ll never even know we were there…

But how do we find out more about this brilliant idea, Punky Chef?

So glad you asked!  Ahem:

CONTACT:
Sam Shaber: 917-453-0502
sam@punkychef.com

Now get yersel’ cuttin’ something, and have a great HALLOWEEN!

wuv,
Sam

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Where the hell ARE YOU, Punky Chef?

October 22, 2009 · Filed under ABOUT · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Yes thou nose-ringed, spikey-haired lovelies, I have been sorely absent of late.  (I have also, apparently, been talking like a bad Shakespearean actor.)  But here’s the thing: PUNKY DONE MOVED TO NYC.

Yep, buh-bye to THIS:

Hollywood smog. (Ok I'm cheating - this was during the recent fires. But still.)

Hollywood smog. (Ok I'm cheating - this was during the recent fires. But still.)

And hello to THIS:

And hello THIS! (And no, I didn't take this picture.)

No, I didn't take this picture.

And THIS:

But I did take THIS. Just your typical phone-car. Everyone's got them in the East Village. (No, they don't, Punky.) Fine. You're so gullible. GOSH. (No, we're not, Punky. Now could you please get us out of this caption?)

I DID take this picture. Yeah, just your typical phone-car. Everyone's got them in the East Village. (No, they don't, Punky.) Fine. You're so gullible. GOSH. (No, we're not, Punky. Now could you please get us out of this caption?)

Yes, I’ve left Griffith Park, valet parking, fake boobs, and the beloved Hollywood Farmers Market behind, and traded them for the sensations of New York City, my hometown.  This has caused great confusion, much celebration, and a complete shut-down of all things Cheffy for the time-being.  Thus, the Big Knife, the Bowl, the Cheese Grater, and even the cumbersome Salad Spinner are packed away in storage while we live the true punk lifestyle; known traditionally as Staying with Our Parents.

Oy.

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Disco Biscuits: Parmesan Lace Wafers with a Punky Party on Top!

August 21, 2009 · Filed under Recipes, Snacks/Appetizers · Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

These are the easiest thing ever, people, I’m serious.  And I don’t get serious very often, so this must be HUGE.  Seriously, you just shave, plop, and blot.  2 minutes.  Total perfection.  And I wanted to find a cool, punky name for them, y’know, like “Sid Viciousnesses” or “Ramonezones” or something.  But then I thought of awesome jam band the Disco Biscuits and suddenly there was no going back.  Witness:

Don't they just make you wanta BOOGIE?

Don't they just make you wanta BOOGIE?

Now there are few things farther from punk than a jam band.  First, jam bands have real musicians who tend to play their instruments extremely well.  Second, jam bands do not wear make-up, leather pants, lace stockings, or nose rings.  Third, the goal of the jam band is to gently rock and rhythm their audiences until they swirl and flutter gracefully around the floor like little entranced butterflies just out of the cocoon, whereas punk bands SLAM their audiences over the head, from the side and in the face with LOUD, PUSHY, OBNOXIOUS, ANGRY, CYNICAL emotion.  YEAH!  HAH!  UNGH!

I will say that cynicism goes well with the jam bands at times too, though they tend to express it with more of a “heh” than a “HAH!”, if you know what I mean.

But nevertheless!  A recipe title is a recipe title, and I have just enough integrity to know when it’s time to get my jam on.  So, grab a sheet pan and a cheese grater, and come with me…

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“Raptures”: Chocolate-Strawberry-Banana Shortbread Bars…

August 13, 2009 · Filed under Desserts, Recipes, Snacks/Appetizers · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yes, you will experience rapture when you bite into these sweet, smooth, chocolaty, shortbread bars.  Plus, it’s one of the greatest Blondie songs of all time, and Blondie were one of the greatest punk bands of all time, so it’s alllll coming together, eh?  Witness The Raptures: Chocolate-Strawberry-Banana Shortbread Bars…

"Hang each night in rapture..."

"Hang each night in rapture..."

Aaah, yes,  Are you ready?  Are you drooling?  This one borrows a bit from Paula Deen’s Orange Citrus Dessert Bars (the shortbread part) and a bit from many recipes by my all-time cooking idol, Ina Garten (the chocolate part), and of course the rest is all PUNKY.  Come with me…

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And Now, a Word About Farmer’s Markets (and a $21 Challenge!)

August 4, 2009 · Filed under ABOUT, Tips · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

I know, I know.  I “ooh” and “aah” about my Farmer’s Market all the time, and you’re like, “Get over it, Punky.  JEEZ.”  So, I thought it would be good to show you why I’m so emotional.

"Vat ah BAAAAGEN!" (Say it out lound like my Jewish grandfather and it'll make sense.)

"Vaht ah BAAAGEN!" (Say it out loud like my Jewish grandfather.)

I used to be just like you.  That is, if you are the kind of person who goes to the occasional farmer’s market, heads straight to the pastry table, buys a scone or an apple turnover, and then heads-out, overwhelmed by the whole experience.  I FEEL YOUR PAIN, YOUR ISOLATION, YOUR FEAR.  Punky knows, believe me.

BUT!  What I’ve discovered, is that my love of cooking grew with my trips to the farmer’s market, because the farmers themselves would tell me what to make with their produce!  How to bake a butternut squash, what a kumquat is, where you can put dried fruit, etc.  (That sounded dirty, but anyway.)  And the more I go, the more my mind opens and my IMAGINATION ignites, to the point where I’m creating flavors in my head and then seeking them out on the tables.  Sometimes I simply pick something up, a sprig of cilantro, a blood orange, an ear of corn, and just by smelling it, my gears start to turn.  (And I’m sure all the farmers appreciate my nose on their products.)

There is also, of course, the financial benefit to shopping at a farmer’s market.  This week I only had $21 on me, so I decided to see how much I could get for it.  A $21 Challenge!  The picture above shows you my bounty, going clockwise from bottom left, and with prices on the ones I remember.  (Some are by weight and I can never keep it straight):

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Roasted Poblano Pepper Farmer’s Market Burrito! (Poblastically Pepptastic!)

August 3, 2009 · Filed under Dinners, Lunches, Recipes · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Awww, yeah.  This ain’t your mama’s burrito, people.  THIS burrito is wrapped inside a ROASTED POBLANO PEPPER from the Farmer’s Market!  Kin ‘Ah git a UNGH UNGH!!

POBLUSCIOUS! PEPPERIFIC!

POBLUSCIOUS! PEPPERIFIC!

Yes, Sunday is Farmer’s Market Day here in Hollywood, California, and I found myself hypnotized by this gorgeous poblano pepper!  (So much so, that apparently I am unable to take a photo that isn’t blurry.)  Chiles Rellenos are my fave Mexican meal, so I have quite the love for the poblano, but had never tried cooking with one myself.  Still, the bumpy, crazy green guy stared up at me longingly, saying “Please Punky Chef, take me home.  I promise to be FABULOUS for you.”  Really, it said that to me.  I mean, just look at it:

Please, lady. Make me somethin' SPECIAL, won't you?

Please, lady. Make me somethin' SPECIAL, won't you?

How could I resist?  Plus, once I lifted it to my punky nose and inhaled that sweet, tangy, spicy, slightly smoky aroma, the deal was signed.  And then I tried to stuff the little guy with roasted corn, black beans, organic Roma tomatoes, sweet onions and pepper jack cheese, but discovered in the process that it’d be better just to roll the whole puppy up, burrito-stylie.  And so was born the Roasted Poblano Pepper Farmer’s Market Burrito!  The POBLITO!  The PPB!  The Chilito Pobluscious!  Ah, forget it.  Just come with me, already…

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